Oh, the holidays...

Ive gotten a few things for people! I think ive done well. I LOVE giving presents. The reactions make my day. I still dont know what to get Daddy. I miss him alot.
I think my mom is in mexico but im not sure, she doesnt speak to me afterall. lol. Daddy asked me the other day if this had been going on since I decided to move to Ada...and I have to tell him that I cant really put my finger on when it started. If i had to guess I would say my sophmore year of highschool. right around the time that I stopped being optimistic about her drinking.

BUT, lets be happy.





you know who you are-

I miss you so terribly bad, but I cant trust my feelings. There are so many reasons why I should never speak to you again...and the same amount of reasons with the same intensity to prove why I should trust that our relationship will continue to burn at the embers and give off heat for years to come.

I have so much to give. I GAVE so much...but it you took it for granted. You thought I would never leave. Well I have and it wasnt meant to hurt you but I cant deny that it was time to be done for awhile.

Im at an un familiar spot right now, and I hope if you read this that you will understand and take it inside of you and empathize with my situation. I'm in a place where I have one foot in the past (with you) and one foot in the now....and a single push either way could send me head first into either. Im not gonna lie, I wouldnt mind something new and exciting, something different and yet meaningful as well. I wouldnt mind the electricity of a new touch, or the warmth of a ear on another's heart. I know I cant handle something long distance, it would ruin things for sure. The futures on a tightrope and I feel like we both need to back up before things get too much for the both of us. I came here to exprience new people and new things, new ideals and a slower culture.

understand that you can be two places at once, only in your heart is this possible.