Well this entry will be a 2.0 version seeing as my first draft was deleted bc technology hates me. This happends everytime I get my words out perfectly, everytime I get into the most mellow zone and I'm ready to write...i get frickin' deleted. Maybe its manifest destiny telling me to "shut the hell up".
Ive been in a very good mood lately. The weather is amazing, so perfect outside. Ive found a beautiful routine Ive settled into nightly...
Crawling into cool crisp sheets, with wet hair to cool my back, neck, and collar. A muted lamp and all my candles lit. The scents of each finally reach me about 20 minutes into whatever I'm doing and creating a feeling I wish I could carry with me all day. Most people know me as high energy and loud mouthed but not always..for the most part I would rather feel very centered, relaxed, mellow.
One of my favorite words to use to describe this feeling is intimate. but not in a way thats sensual or brings an image of lingerie...intimate in a way that is more like the word "familiar". Small details overlooked by others are my favorite thing to fall for. Words and images come to my mind...things like eyelet and lace, light filled images and smells and tastes that I miss, blackberries and honeysuckle grow in Mama's backyard.. I think of that often and feel at home.
It's these quiet moments that I appreciate most. Moments that make me lonely at times, after sharing them for so long and now having to learn to create a sense of comfort and safety for myself. Usually music is a big help to all this...
Pandora radio has been a wonderful thing for me lately. Getting to mix my Neil Young with my Iron and Wine, with my Cat Stevens. I'm finally settling in here I feel like. I'm looking forward to having classes more geared towards my major. Im glad to be able to start grasping at the strings of what I see for myself in the next few years. Thinking of things I want for myself that Ive had enough experience now that I know what not to settle for....
I know someday I want to live in the mountains, hopefully near the ocean as well...which really only could be the "Great Pacific Northwest"...but I know Daddy couldnt stand for me to be that far away so maybe I'll have to settle for something a little more Eastbound. If theres anything that would make my night better at this point (after having listened to wonderful music, with wonderful people) the only thing more a girl could ask for would be a big back deck, perhaps a firepit and some deep conversation. There's nothing I love more in this world then when the planets align in favor of communication and everyone around you is able to express themselves exactly how they mean to be expressed. When you heart is coming right out your mouth without passing through the brain-filter and yet you have no fear of being pushed aside or talked over because the people around you genuinely care and you care for their thoughts,opinions,experienced,and feelings as well.
I'm very happy. "Wildflowers dont care where they grow" - Dolly Parton.
...ope! forgot to mention....I got a tattoo! :D Ive wanted it for awhile and decided the other night to nut up ir shuttup and got five little birds on the inside of my foot. They remind me of seagulls and are flying in every which direction. I feel birds fit me fairly well seeing as my family has all lived so far away from each other..ive been on an airplane every holiday, funeral, wedding, or school break. ive been flying since I was 3 and alone since I was eight. Ive lived in 4 different states and moved from 8 different schools before 7th grade. So...I would say that my mind and body is fit for travel and especially flight.
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