it comes up from time to time.

I took my little cousin out to dinner tonight. For some reason we got into some pretty deep subjects. She asked me about sex and all that it entails..emotionally and physically. I tried to be as honest as I could with her. I feel like she deserves that. Her parents keep her very sheltered and at times I feel like thats doing her a dishonor. We also talked future life goals and how she wants to be a cosmetologist, which I have to admit fits her perfectly because she is so friendly and talkative. She is so so very bright and sweet natured. She doesnt have a cynical bone in her body.
We eventually got on the subject of papa. Which I know I've gone over but he always weighs heavily on our minds when its the holidays. I guess I never really asked Emily how she felt about his passing. I assumed she felt the same as I did,nt I realize now that she was only nine and didnt know him very well. She says she wishes she could have gotten to know him better, that she feels like she missed out on a good person. I didnt know what to say for the first time in my life. I told her he was the most amazing person Ive ever known and that he's my role model for what I'm looking for. I told her sometimes I feel like I could have talked to him more about things and that i feel guilty about the grave. She told me when she went that she cried for hours. The day before highschool this year, she cried for hours. I told her about "our birthday" and I started crying. I looked over at her in the passenger seat and realized she was shaking and shivering because she was crying so violently. I unhooked her seatbelt and mine and I grabbed her in my arms and made her breath when she was too upset to remember how. She hurts for her little brother George as well.
I remember playing some game we had made up with George after the funeral when he was five, when we were alone I asked him if he missed papa and he said "kind of" which made me sad for him because I knew he would never understand why there's such a huge scar in the skin of our family. It meant he would never remember when Thanksgiving actually felt like Thanksgiving.